IMERICKS
There was an old person of Ware
Who rode on the back of a bear;
When they said, "Does it trot?"
He said: "Certainly not,
It's a Moppsikon Floppsikon bear."
There was an old person of Wick,
Who said, "Tick-a-Tick, Tick-a-Tick,
Chickabee, Chickabaw,"
And he said nothing more,
This laconic old person of Wick.
There was an old person of Woking,
Whose mind was perverse and provoking;
He sate on a rail,
With his head in a pail,
That illusive old person of Woking.
There was once a man with a beard
Who said, "It is just as I feared!—
Two Owls and a Hen,
Four Larks and a Wren
Have all built their nests in my beard."
There was an old man of Thermopylae,
Who never did anything properly;
But they said: "If you choose
To boil eggs in your shoes,
You cannot remain in Thermopylae."
There was an Old Man who said, "Hush!
I perceive a young bird in this bush!"
When they said, "Is it small?"
He replied, "Not at all;
It is four times as big as the bush!"
There was an Old Man who supposed
That the street door was partially closed;
But some very large Rats
Ate his coats and his hats,
While that futile Old Gentleman dozed.
There was an Old Man of Leghorn,
The smallest that ever was born;
But quickly snapt up he
Was once by a Puppy,
Who devoured that Old Man of Leghorn.
There was an Old Man of Kamschatka
Who possessed a remarkably fat Cur;
His gait and his waddle
Were held as a model
To all the fat dogs in Kamschatka.
Edward Lear.
[From books printed for the benefit of the New York
Fair in aid of the Sanitary Commission, 1864]
There was a gay damsel of Lynn,
Whose waist was so charmingly thin,
The dressmaker needed
A microscope—she did—
To fit this slim person of Lynn.
There was a young lady of Milton,
Who was highly disgusted with Stilton;
When offered a bite,
She said, "Not a mite!"
That suggestive young lady of Milton.
There was a dear lady of Eden,
Who on apples was quite fond of feedin';
She gave one to Adam,
Who said, "Thank you, Madam,"
And then both skedaddled from Eden.
There was a young lady of Wales,
Who wore her back hair in two tails;
And a hat on her head
That was striped black and red,
And studded with ten-penny nails.
There was an old man who said, "Do
Tell me how I'm to add two and two?
I'm not very sure
That it doesn't make four—
But I fear that is almost too few."
There once was a man who said, "How
Shall I manage to carry my cow?
For if I should ask it
To get in my basket,
'Twould make such a terrible row."
Anonymous.
There once was an old man of Lyme
Who married three wives at a time;
When asked, "Why a third?"
He replied, "One's absurd!
And bigamy, sir, is a crime."
There once was a person of Benin,
Who wore clothes not fit to be seen in;
When told that he shouldn't,
He replied, "Gumscrumrudent!"
A word of inscrutable meanin'.
There once was a girl of New York
Whose body was lighter than cork;
She had to be fed
For six weeks upon lead,
Before she went out for a walk.
Cosmo Monkhouse.
There was a young man who was bitten
By twenty-two cats and a kitten;
Sighed he, "It is clear
My finish is near;
No matter; I'll die like a Briton!"
There was a princess of Bengal,
Whose mouth was exceedingly small;
Said she, "It would be
More easy for me
To do without eating at all!"
There was an old stupid who wrote
The verses above that we quote;
His want of all sense
Was something immense,
Which made him a person of note.
Walter Parke.
VERS NONSENSIQUES
À Potsdam, les totaux absteneurs,
Comme tant d'autres titotalleurs,
Sont gloutons, omnivores,
Nasorubicolores,
Grands manchons, et terribles duffeurs.
Un vieux due (le meilleur des époux)
Demandait (en lui tâtant le pouls)
À sa vielle duchesse
(Qu'un vieux catarrhe oppresse):—
"Et ton thé, t'a-t-il ôté ta toux?"
II naquit près de Choisy-le-Roi;
Le Latin lui causait de l'effroi;
Et les Mathématiques
Lui donnaient des coliques,
Et le Grec l'enrhûmait. Ce fut moi.
Il etait un gendarme, à Nanteuil,
Qui n'avait qu'une dent et qu'un oeil;
Mais cet oeil solitaire
Etait plein de mystère;
Cette dent, d'importance et d'orgueil.
"Cassez-vous, cassez-vous, cassez-vous,
O mer, sur vos froids gris calloux!"
Ainsi traduisit Laure
Au profit d'Isadore
(Bon jeune homme, at son futur epoux.)
Un marin naufrage (de Doncastre)
Pour prière, an milieu du désastre
Répétait à genoux
Ces mots simples et doux:—
"Scintillez, scintillez, petit astre!"
George du Maurier.
* * * * *
There was a young man of Cohoes,
Wore tar on the end of his nose;
When asked why he done it,
He said for the fun it
Afforded the men of Cohoes.
Robert J. Burdette.
* * * * *
I'd rather have habits than clothes,
For that's where my intellect shows.
And as for my hair,
Do you think I should care
To comb it at night with my toes?
I'd rather have ears than a nose,
I'd rather have fingers than toes,
But as for my hair:
I'm glad it's all there;
I'll be awfully sad when it goes.
I wish that my Room had a Floor;
I don't so much care for a Door,
But this walking around
Without touching the ground
Is getting to be quite a bore!
Gelett Burgess.
H was an indigent Hen,
Who picked up a corn now and then;
She had but one leg
On which she could peg,
And behind her left ear was a wen.
Bruce Porter.
Cleopatra, who thought they maligned her,
Resolved to reform and be kinder;
"If, when pettish," she said,
"I should knock off your head,
Won't you give me some gentle reminder?"
Newton Mackintosh.
When that Seint George hadde sleyne ye draggon,
He sate him down furninst a flaggon;
And, wit ye well,
Within a spell
He had a bien plaisaunt jag on.
Anonymous.
There was a young lady of Niger
Who smiled as she rode on a Tiger;
They came back from the ride
With the lady inside,
And the smile on the face of the Tiger.
Anonymous.
There was a young maid who said, "Why
Can't I look in my ear with my eye?
If I give my mind to it,
I'm sure I can do it,
You never can tell till you try."
Anonymous.
INDEX OF TITLES
ABSTEMIA Gelett Burgess
Abstrosophy Gelett Burgess
Aestivation O. W. Holmes
Ahkond of Swat, The Edward Lear
Alone
As with my Hat upon my Head Dr. Johnson
Auld Wife, The C. S. Calverley
Aunt Eliza Col. D. Streamer
Autumn Leaves, The
BABY AND MARY
Ballade of the Nurserie John Twig
Ballad of Bedlam
Ballad of High Endeavor, A
Ballad with an Ancient Refrain
Bison, The Hilaire Relloc
Bloated Biggaboon, The H. Cholmondeley-Pennell
Blue Moonshine Francis G. Stokes
Boy, The Eugene Field
Bulbul, The Owen Seaman
Buz, quoth the Blue Fly Ben Jonson
CENTIPEDE, A
Chimpanzee, The Oliver Herford
Chronicle, A
Classic Ode, A Charles Battell Loomis
Cobbe's Prophecies
Cock and the Bull, The C. S. Calverley
Collusion between a Alegaiter and a Water-Snaik
J. W. Morris
Companions C. S. Calverley
Cossimbazar Henry S. Leigh
Cow, The Oliver Herford
Cruise of the "P. C.", The
Cumberbunce, The Paul West
DARWINITY Herman Merivale
Dinkey-Bird, The Eugene Field
Dirge of the Moolla of Kotal George T. Lanigan
ELDERLY GENTLEMAN, THE George Canning
Elegy on the Death of a Mad Dog Oliver Goldsmith
Elegy on Madam Blaize Oliver Goldsmith
FAITHLESS NELLY GRAY Thomas Hood
Famous Ballad of the Jubilee Cup, The
A. T. Stiller-Couch
Father William
Ferdinando and Elvira W. S. Gilbert
Fin de Siecle Newton Mackintosh
Flamingo, The Lewis Gaylord Clark
Forcing a Way
Frangipanni
Frog, The Hilaire Belloc
GENERAL JOHN W. S. Gilbert
Gentle Alice Brown W. S. Gilbert
Great Man, A Oliver Goldsmith
Guinea Pig, The
HEN, THE Oliver Herford
Her Dairy Peter Newell
Here is the Tale Anthony C. Deane
Her Polka Dots Peter Newell
Higher Pantheism in a Nutshell, The
A. C. Swinburne
Hippopotamus, The Oliver Herford
Holiday Task, A Gilbert Abbott a Becket
Hunting of the Snark, The Lewis Carroll
Hyder iddle diddle dell
Hymn to the Sunrise
IF
If Half the Road
If a Man who Turnips Cries Dr. Johnson
I Love to Stand
Imitation of Wordsworth Catharine M. Fanshawe
Impetuous Samuel Col. D. Streamer
Incidents in the Life of my Uncle Arly
Edward Lear
Indifference
In Immemorian Cuthbert Bede
In the Dumps
In the Gloaming James C. Bayles
In the Night
Invisible Bridge, The Gelett Burgess
JABBERWOCKY Lewis Carroll
John Jones A. C. Swinburne
Jumblies, The Edward Lear
KEN YE AUGHT O' CAPTAIN GROSE Robert Burns
Kindness to Animals J. Ashby-Sterry
King Arthur
LAYE OF YE WOODPECKORE, YE Henry A. Beers
Lazy Roof, The Gelett Burgess
Like to the Thundering Tone Bishop Corbet
LIMERICKS:
Cleopatra, who thought they maligned her
Newton Mackintosh
H was an indigent H Bruce Porter
I'd rather have habits than clothes
Gelett Burgess
I wish that my room had a door
Gelett Burgess
There once was a girl of New York
Cosmo Monkhouse
There once was a man who said "How"
There once was an old man of Lyme
Cosmo Monkhouse
There once was a person of Benin
Cosmo Monkhouse
There was a dear lady of Eden
There was a gay damsel of Lynn
There was an old man in a tree
Edward Lear
There was an Old Man of Kamschatka
Edward Lear
There was an Old Man of Leghorn
Edward Lear
There was an old man of St. Bees
W. S. Gilbert
There was an old man of Thermopylae
Edward Lear
There was an old man who said "Do"
There was an Old Man who said "Hush"
Edward Lear
There was an Old Man who supposed
Edward Lear
There was an old person of Ware
Edward Lear
There was an old person of Wick
Edward Lear
There was an old person of Woking
Edward Lear
There was an old stupid who wrote
Walter Parke
There was once a man with a beard
Edward Lear
There was a princess of Bengal
Walter Parke
There was a small boy of Quebec
Rudyard Kipling
There was a young lady of Milton
There was a young lady of Niger
There was a young lady of Wales
There was a young maid who said "Why"
There was a young man at St. Kitts
There was a young man of Cohoes
Robert J. Burdette
There was a young man who was bitten
Walter Parke
Vers Nonsensiques George du Maurier
When that Seint George hadde sleyne ye dragon
Lines by a Fond Lover
Lines by a Medium
Lines by a Person of Quality Alexander Pope
Lines to Miss Florence Huntingdon
Lines to a Young Lady Edward Lear
Little Billee W.M. Thackeray
Little Peach, The
Little Willie
Lobster wooed a Lady Crab, A
Lovers and a Reflection C.S. Calverley
Love Song by a Lunatic
Lugubrious Whing-Whang, The James W. Riley
Lunar Stanzas H.C. Knight
MALUM OPUS J. Appleton Morgan
Man in the Moon, The James W. Riley
Martin Luther at Potsdam Barry Pain
Martin to his Man
Mary Ames
Mary Jane
Master and Man
Mayor of Scuttleton, The Mary Mapes Dodge
Melancholia
Metaphysics Oliver Herford
Minnie and Winnie Lord Tennyson
Misfortunes Col. D. Streamer
Mr. Finney's Turnip
Modern Hiawatha, The
Monkey's Glue, The Goldwin Goldsmith
Monkey's Wedding The
Monsieur McGinté
Moon is up, The
Moorlands of the Not
Mors Iabrochii
Muddled Metaphors Tom Hood, Jr.
My Dream
My Feet Gelett Burgess
My Home
My Recollectest Thoughts Charles E. Carryl
Nephelidia A. C. Swinburne
Noble Tuckman, The Jean Ingelow
Nonsense
Nonsense Thomas Moore
Nonsense Verses Charles Lamb
Not I R.L. Stevenson
Nyum-Nyum, The
Ocean Wanderer, The
Odd to a Krokis
Ode to the Human Heart Laman Blanchard
Of Baiting the Lion Owen Seaman
Oh, my Geraldine F.C. Burnand
Oh, Weary Mother Barry Pain
On the Oxford Carrier John Milton
On the Road Tudor Jenks
Owl and the Pussy-Cat, The Edward Lear
PANTHER, THE
Parson Gray Oliver Goldsmith
Parterre, The E. H. Palmer
Personified Sentimental, The Bret Harte
Pessimist, The Ben King
Platypus, The Oliver Herford
Pobble who has no Toes, The Edward Lear
Poor Brother
Poor Dear Grandpapa D'Arcy W. Thompson
Psycholophon Gelett Burgess
Puer ex Jersey
Purple Cow, The Gelett Burgess
Python, The Hilaire Belloc
QUATRAIN
RIDDLE, A
Rollicking Mastodon, The Arthur Macy
Russian and Turk
SAGE COUNSEL A. T. Quiller-Couch
Sailor's Yarn, A James Jeffrey Roche
Sea, The
Sea-Serpent, The Planché
She's All my Fancy Painted Him Lewis Carroll
She Went into the Garden S. Foote
Shipwreck, The E. H. Palmer
Silver Question, The Oliver Herford
Sing for the Garish Eye W. S. Gilbert
Singular Sangfroid of Baby Bunting, The Guy W. Carryl
Some Geese Oliver Herford
Some Verses to Snaix
Song of Impossibilities William M. Praed
Song of the Screw, The
Song on King William III
Sonnet Found in a Deserted Madhouse
Sorrows of Werther, The W. M. Thackeray
Spirk Troll-Derisive James W. Riley
Story of Cruel Psamtek, The
Story of Prince Agib, The W. S. Gilbert
Story of Pyramid Thothmes
Story of the Wild Huntsman Heinrich Hoffman
Sun, The J. Davis
Sunbeam, The
Superior Nonsense Verses
Susan
Swiss Air Bret Harte
Sylvie and Bruno Lewis Carroll
Tender-Heartedness Col. D. Streamer
Tender Infant, The Dr. Johnson
There was a Frog
There was a Little Girl H. W. Longfellow
There was a Monkey
Three Acres of Land
Three Children
Three Jovial Huntsmen
Threnody George T. Lanigan
Thy Heart
Timid Hortense Peter Newell
Timon of Archimedes Charles Battell Loomis
'Tis Midnight and the Setting Sun
'Tis Sweet to Roam
To Marie
To Mollidusta Planché
Transcendentalism
Trust in Women
Turvey Top
Tweedle-dum and Tweedle-dee
Uffia Harriet R. White
Uncle Simon and Uncle Jim Artemui Ward
Unsuspected Fact, An Edward Cannon
Uprising See the Fitful Lark
Villon's Straight Tip W. E. Henley
Walloping Window-Blind, The Charles E. Carryl
Walrus and the Carpenter, The Lewis Carroll
Ways and Means Lewis Carroll
Whango Tree, The
What the Prince of I Dreamt H. Cholmondeley-Pennell
When Moonlike ore the Hazure Seas
W.M. Thackeray
Where Avalanches Wail
Wild Flowers Peter Newell
Wonderful Old Man, The
Wreck of the "Julie Plante" W.H. Drummond
Yak, The Hilaire Belloc
Yonghy-Bonghy-BO, The Edward Lear
INDEX OF AUTHORS
À BECKET, GILBERT ABBOTT
A Holiday Task
ASHBY-STERRY, J.
Kindness to Animals
BAYLES, JAMES C.
In the Gloaming
BEDE, CUTHBERT
In Immemoriam
BEERS, HENRY A.
Ye Laye of ye Woodpeckore
BELLOC, HILAIRE
The Bison
The Frog
The Python
The Yak
BLANCHARD, LAMAN
Ode to the Human Heart
BURDETTE, ROBERT J.
Limerick
BURGESS, GELETT
Abstemia
Abstrosophy
The Invisible Bridge
The Lazy Roof
Limericks
My Feet
Psycholophon
The Purple Cow
BURNAND, F. C.
Oh, my Geraldine
BURNS, ROBERT
Ken ye Aught o' Captain Grose?
CALVERLEY, CHARLES S.
The Auld Wife
The Cock and the Bull
Companions
Lovers and a Reflection
CANNING, GEORGE
The Elderly Gentleman
CANNON, EDWARD
An Unsuspected Fact
CARROLL, LEWIS
The Hunting of the Snark
Jabberwocky
She's All my Fancy Painted Him
Sylvie and Bruno
The Walrus and the Carpenter
Ways and Means
CARRYL, CHARLES E.
My Recollectest Thoughts
The Walloping Window-Blind
CARRYL, GUY WETMORE
The Singular Sangfroid of Baby Bunting
CHOLMONDELEY-PENNELL, H.
The Bloated Biggaboon
What the Prince of I Dreamt
CLARK, LEWIS GAYLORD
The Flamingo
CORBET, BISHOP
Like to the Thundering Tone
DAVIS, J.
The Sun
DEANE, ANTHONY C.
Here is the Tale
DODGE, MARY MAPES
The Mayor of Scuttleton
DRUMMOND, W.H.
Wreck of the "Julie Plante," The
DU MAURIER, GEORGE
Vers Nonsensiques
FANSHAWE, CATHARINE M.
Imitation of Wordsworth
FIELD, EUGENE
The Boy
The Dinkey Bird
FOOTE, S.
Farrago of Nonsense
GILBERT, W.S.
Ferdinando and Elvira
General John
Gentle Alice Brown
Sing for the Garish Eye
The Story of Prince Agib
There was an Old Man of St. Bees
GOLDSMITH, GOLDWIN
The Monkey's Glue
GOLDSMITH, OLIVER
Elegy on the Death of a Mad Dog
Elegy on Madam Blaize
A Great Man
Parson Gray
HARTE, BRET
The Personified Sentimental
Swiss Air
HENLEY, W.E.
Villon's Straight Tip
HERFORD, OLIVER.
The Chimpanzee
The Cow
The Hen
The Hippopotamus
Metaphysics
The Platypus
The Silver Question
Some Geese
HOFFMAN, HEINRICH
The Story of the Wild Huntsman
HOLMES, OLIVER WENDELL
Æstivation
HOOD, THOMAS
Faithless Nelly Gray
HOOD, THOMAS, JR.
Muddled Metaphors
INGELOW, JEAN
The Noble Tuckman
JENKS, TUDOR
On the Road
JOHNSON, SAMUEL
As with my Hat
If a Man who Turnips Cries
The Tender Infant
JONSON, BEN
Buz, quoth the Blue Fly
KING, BEN
The Pessimist
KIPLING, RUDYARD
Limerick
KNIGHT, HENRY C.
Lunar Stanzas
LAMB, CHARLES
Nonsense Verses
LANIGAN, GEORGE T.
Dirge of the Moolla of Kotal
A Threnody
LEAR, EDWARD
The Ahkond of Swat
Incidents in the Life of my Uncle Arly
The Jumblies
Limericks
Lines to a Young Lady
The Owl and the Pussy-Cat
The Pobble
There was an Old Man in a Tree
The Yonghy-Bonghy-BO
LEIGH, HENRY S.
Cossimbazar
LONGFELLOW, H.W.
There was a Little Girl
LOOMIS, CHARLES BATTELL
A Classic Ode
Timon of Archimedes
MACKINTOSH, NEWTON
Fin de Siècle
Limerick
MACY, ARTHUR
The Rollicking Mastodon
MERIVALE, HERMAN
Darwinity
MILTON, JOHN
On the Oxford Carrier
MONKHOUSE, COSMO
Limericks
MOORE, THOMAS
Nonsense
MORGAN, JAMES APPLETON
Malum Opus
MORRIS, J. W.
Collusion between a Alegaiter and a Water-Snaik
NEWELL, PETER
Her Dairy
Her Polka Dots
Timid Hortense
Wild Flowers
PAIN, BARRY
Martin Luther at Potsdam
Oh, Weary Mother
PALMER, E. H.
The Parterre
The Shipwreck
PARKE, WALTER
Limericks
PLANCHÉ
The Sea-Serpent
To Mollidusta
POPE, ALEXANDER
Lines by a Person of Quality
PORTER, BRUCE
Limerick
PRAED, W. M.
Song of Impossibilities
QUILLER-COUCH, A. T.
The Famous Ballad of the Jubilee Cup
Sage Counsel
RILEY, JAMES W.
The Lugubrious Whing-Whang
The Man in the Moon
Spirk Troll-Derisive
ROCHE, JAMES JEFFREY
A Sailor's Yarn
SEAMAN, OWEN
The Bulbul
Of Baiting the Lion
STEVENSON, R. L.
Not I
STOKES, FRANCIS G.
Blue Moonshine
STREAMER, COL. D.
Aunt Eliza
Impetuous Samuel
STREAMER, COL. D.—Continued
Misfortunes
Tender-Heartedness
SWINBURNE, A. C.
The Higher Pantheism
John Jones
Nephelidia
TENNYSON, LORD
Minnie and Winnie
THACKERAY, W.M.
Little Billee
The Sorrows of Werther
When Moonlike ore the Hazure Seas
THOMPSON, D'ARCY W.
Poor Dear Grandpapa
TWIG, JOHN
Ballade of the Nurserie
WARD, ARTEMUS
Uncle Simon and Uncle Jim
WEST, PAUL
The Cumberbunce
WHITE, HARRIET R.
Uffia