From a Man Who Has Been Ill and Convalescing at a Friend's House

From a Woman Who Has Been Visiting a Very Old Friend

To an Acquaintance

After a visit to a formal acquaintance or when some one has shown you especial hospitality in a city where you are a stranger:

An Engraved Card Of Thanks

An engraved card of thanks is proper only when sent by a public official to acknowledge the overwhelming number of congratulatory messages he must inevitably receive from strangers, when he has carried an election or otherwise been honored with the confidence of his State or country. A recent and excellent example follows:

An engraved form of thanks for sympathy, also from one in public life, is presented in the following example:

But remember: an engraved card sent by a private individual to a personal friend, is not "stylish" or smart, but rude. (See also engraved acknowledgment of sympathy, pages 406-7.)

The Letter Of Introduction

A letter of business introduction can be much more freely given than a letter of social introduction. For the former it is necessary merely that the persons introduced have business interests in common—which are much more easily determined than social compatibility, which is the requisite necessary for the latter. It is, of course, proper to give your personal representative a letter of introduction to whomever you send him.

On the subject of letters of social introduction there is one chief rule:

Never ask for letters of introduction, and be very sparing in your offers to write or accept them.

Seemingly few persons realize that a letter of social introduction is actually a draft for payment on demand. The form might as well be: "The bearer of this has (because of it) the right to demand your interest, your time, your hospitality—liberally and at once, no matter what your inclination may be."

Therefore, it is far better to refuse in the beginning, than to hedge and end by committing the greater error of unwarrantedly inconveniencing a valued friend or acquaintance.

When you have a friend who is going to a city where you have other friends, and you believe that it will be a mutual pleasure for them to meet, a letter of introduction is proper and very easy to write, but sent to a casual acquaintance—no matter how attractive or distinguished the person to be introduced—it is a gross presumption.

The More Formal Note Of Introduction

If Mr. Norman were introducing one man to another he would give his card to the former, inscribed as follows:

Also Mr. Norman would send a private letter by mail, telling his friend that Mr. Gibbs is coming, as follows:

Informal Letter Of Introduction

At the same time a second and private letter of information is written and sent by mail:

Another example:

The private letter by mail to accompany the foregoing:

Directions for procedure upon being given (or receiving) a letter of introduction will be found on pages 16 and 17.

The Third Person

In other days when even verbal messages began with the "presenting of compliments," a social note, no matter what its length or purport, would have been considered rude, unless written in the third person. But as in a communication of any length the difficulty of this form is almost insurmountable (to say nothing of the pedantic effect of its accomplishment), it is no longer chosen—aside from the formal invitation, acceptance and regret—except for notes to stores or subordinates. For example:

To a servant:

Letters in the third person are no longer signed unless the sender's signature is necessary for identification, or for some action on the part of the receiver, such as

The Letter Of Recommendation

A letter of recommendation for membership to a club is addressed to the secretary and should be somewhat in this form:

Recommendation Of Employees

Although the written recommendation that is given to the employee carries very little weight, compared to the slip from the employment agencies where either "yes" or "no" has to be answered to a list of specific and important questions, one is nevertheless put in a trying position when reporting on an unsatisfactory servant.

Either a poor reference must be given—possibly preventing a servant from earning her living—or one has to write what is not true. Consequently it has become the custom to say what one truthfully can of good, and leave out the qualifications that are bad (except in the case of a careless nurse, where evasion would border on the criminal).

That solves the poor recommendation problem pretty well; but unless one is very careful this consideration for the "poor" one, is paid for by the "good." In writing for a very worthy servant therefore, it is of the utmost importance in fairness to her (or him) to put in every merit that you can think of, remembering that omission implies demerit in each trait of character not mentioned. All good references should include honesty, sobriety, capability, and a reason, other than their unsatisfactoriness, for their leaving. The recommendation for a nurse can not be too conscientiously written.

A lady does not begin a recommendation: "To whom it may concern," nor "This is to certify," although housekeepers and head servants writing recommendations use both of these forms, and "third person" letters, are frequently written by secretaries.

A lady in giving a good reference should write:

The form of all recommendations is the same:

Letters Of Congratulation

Letter Of Congratulation On Engagement

Congratulation On Some Especial Success

Or:

Congratulating A Friend Appointed To High Office

Another example:

The Letter Of Condolence

Intimate letters of condolence are like love letters, in that they are too sacred to follow a set form. One rule, and one only, should guide you in writing such letters. Say what you truly feel. Say that and nothing else. Sit down at your desk, let your thoughts dwell on the person you are writing to.

Don't dwell on the details of illness or the manner of death; don't quote endlessly from the poets and Scriptures. Remember that eyes filmed with tears and an aching heart can not follow rhetorical lengths of writing. The more nearly a note can express a hand-clasp, a thought of sympathy, above all, a genuine love or appreciation of the one who has gone, the greater comfort it brings.

Write as simply as possible and let your heart speak as truly and as briefly as you can. Forget, if you can, that you are using written words, think merely how you feel—then put your feelings on paper—that is all.

Supposing it is a young mother who has died. You think how young and sweet she was—and of her little children, and, literally, your heart aches for them and her husband and her own family. Into your thoughts must come some expression of what she was, and what their loss must be!

Or maybe it is the death of a man who has left a place in the whole community that will be difficult, if not impossible, to fill, and you think of all he stood for that was fine and helpful to others, and how much and sorely he will be missed. Or suppose that you are a returned soldier, and it is a pal who has died. All you can think of is "Poor old Steve—what a peach he was! I don't think anything will ever be the same again without him." Say just that! Ask if there is anything you can do at any time to be of service to his people. There is nothing more to be said. A line, into which you have unconsciously put a little of the genuine feeling that you had for Steve, is worth pages of eloquence.

A letter of condolence may be abrupt, badly constructed, ungrammatical—never mind. Grace of expression counts for nothing; sincerity alone is of value. It is the expression, however clumsily put, of a personal something which was loved, and will ever be missed, that alone brings solace to those who are left. Your message may speak merely of a small incident—something so trifling that in the seriousness of the present, seems not worth recording; but your letter and that of many others, each bringing a single sprig, may plant a whole memory-garden in the hearts of the bereaved.

Examples Of Notes And Telegrams

As has been said above, a letter of condolence must above everything express a genuine sentiment. The few examples are inserted merely as suggestive guides for those at a loss to construct a short but appropriate note or telegram.

Conventional Note to an Acquaintance

Note or Telegram to a Friend

Telegram to a Very Near Relative or Friend

Or:

Letter Where Death Was Release

The letter to one whose loss is "for the best" is difficult in that you want to express sympathy but can not feel sad that one who has long suffered has found release. The expression of sympathy in this case should not be for the present death, but for the illness, or whatever it was that fell long ago. The grief for a paralysed mother is for the stroke which cut her down many years before, and your sympathy, though you may not have realized it, is for that. You might write:

HOW TO ADDRESS IMPORTANT PERSONAGES

Foreign persons of title are not included in the foregoing diagram because an American (unless in the Diplomatic Service) would be unlikely to address any but personal friends, to whom he would write as to any others. An envelope would be addressed in the language of the person written to: "His Grace, the Duke of Overthere (or merely The Duke of Overthere), Hyde Park, London"; "Mme. la Princess d'Acacia, Ave. du Bois, Paris"; "Il Principe di Capri, Cusano sul Seveso"; "Lady Alwin, Cragmere, Scotland," etc. The letter would begin, Dear Duke of Overthere (or Dear Duke), Dear Princess, Dear Countess Aix, Dear Lady Alwin, Dear Sir Hubert, etc., and close, "Sincerely," "Faithfully," or "Affectionately," as the case might be.

Should an American have occasion to write to Royalty he would begin: "Madam" (or Sir), and end: "I have the honor to remain, madam (or Sir), your most obedient." ("Your most obedient servant" is a signature reserved usually for our own President—or Vice-President.)

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CHAPTER XXVIII

LONGER LETTERS

The art of general letter-writing in the present day is shrinking until the letter threatens to become a telegram, a telephone message, a post-card. Since the events of the day are transmitted in newspapers with far greater accuracy, detail, and dispatch than they could be by the single effort of even Voltaire himself, the circulation of general news, which formed the chief reason for letters of the stage-coach and sailing-vessel days, has no part in the correspondence of to-day.

Taking the contents of an average mail bag as sorted in a United States post-office, about fifty per cent. is probably advertisement or appeal, forty per cent. business, and scarcely ten per cent. personal letters and invitations. Of course, love letters are probably as numerous as need be, though the long distance telephone must have lowered the average of these, too. Young girls write to each other, no doubt, much as they did in olden times, and letters between young girls and young men flourish to-day like unpulled weeds in a garden where weeds were formerly never allowed to grow.

It is the letter from the friend in this city to the friend in that, or from the traveling relative to the relative at home, that is gradually dwindling. As for the letter which younger relatives dutifully used to write—it has gone already with old-fashioned grace of speech and deportment.

Still, people do write letters in this day and there are some who possess the divinely flexible gift for a fresh turn of phrase, for delightful keenness of observation. It may be, too, that in other days the average writing was no better than the average of to-day. It is naturally the letters of those who had unusual gifts which have been preserved all these years, for the failures of a generation are made to die with it, and only its successes survive.

The difference though, between letter-writers of the past and of the present, is that in other days they all tried to write, and to express themselves the very best they knew how—to-day people don't care a bit whether they write well or ill. Mental effort is one thing that the younger generation of the "smart world" seems to consider it unreasonable to ask—and just as it is the fashion to let their spines droop until they suggest nothing so much as Tenniel's drawing in Alice in Wonderland of the caterpillar sitting on the toad-stool—so do they let their mental faculties relax, slump and atrophy.

To such as these, to whom effort is an insurmountable task, it might be just as well to say frankly: If you have a mind that is entirely bromidic, if you are lacking in humor, all power of observation, and facility for expression, you had best join the ever-growing class of people who frankly confess, "I can't write letters to save my life!" and confine your literary efforts to picture post-cards with the engaging captions "X is my room," or "Beautiful weather, wish you were here."

It is not at all certain that your friends and family would not rather have frequent post-cards than occasional letters all too obviously displaying the meagerness of their messages in halting orthography.